26 years
I always approach carefully since my parents don't know how to approach! But i never asked about drugs! Should i Ask him? (illegal drugs) Thank you
Sep 30, 2014
If you are highly suspicious of substance abuse, then you should be on the lookout for signs of abuse. The most obvious sign of an addiction is the need to have a particular drug or substance. However, many other signs can suggest a possible addiction, such as changes in mood or weight loss or gain. (These also are signs of other conditions too, though, such as depression or eating disorders.)
Signs that you or someone you know may have a drug addiction include:
Psychological signals:
• use of drugs as a means to avoid/forget problems or to relax
• withdrawal or keeping secrets from family and friends
• loss of interest in activities that used to be important
• problems with schoolwork, such as slipping grades or frequent absenteeism
• changes in friendships, such as hanging out only with friends who use drugs
• stealing or selling belongings to be able to afford drugs
• anxiety, anger, or depression
• mood swings
Physical signals:
• changes in sleeping habits
• looking shaky or sick
• changes in eating habits, including weight loss or gain
Involving your parents will have to take place eventually; for now though, and in order to ensure your brother’s trust and not scare him off, you should abide by the following steps:
1. Be direct and calm.
You ought to approach your brother directly and immediately, and before you decide to approach him, make sure you are calm and contained so as to avoid letting your frustration spill over into the conversation. And remember: NO drama, panic, anger, aggression or pointing fingers of accusations, otherwise he will tell you absolutely nothing. Yelling, threatening, preaching and lecturing will inevitably drive him away from the conversation, so he will sneak around and lie.
Try to show him genuine concern for his well-being.
You should expect denial reaction and responses like” It’s just pot, and I don’t smoke it that often, anyway”. If this happens, respond briefly while emphasizing that all drugs are harmful and should not be used at all.
2. Ask open-ended, non-judgmental questions.
This will help your brother unfold and be honest and open up about the problem if it actually exists. Questions like: “Can you tell me more about that? How did you feel in that situation? What will you do if that happens again? How can I help you with this?” are recommended.
4. Don’t punish.
Avoid punishing him, like denying him from going to activities together, as this will never keep a drug user away from using.
5. Show support.
If your brother admits to drug use, thank him for being honest with you, and reassure him that you will help him and that you love him.
6. Treatment.
A qualified therapist who specializes in working with teens and young adults will have to be consulted at some point. When talking about professional help, don’t negotiate. Instead be brief, firm and clear. You could say something like: “It is clear to us that you have been using something, and we are really concerned for your safety. As your brother I consider myself responsible for your safety and well-being, so I will schedule an appointment for someone for you, and both of us, to talk to about this issue.”
Even if you’re your brother is an adult, this same approach style should be used. It is true that you may not be able to force him to attend therapy, you can still maneuver other things, such as your helping him financially (if he’s younger) for example.
Signs that you or someone you know may have a drug addiction include:
Psychological signals:
• use of drugs as a means to avoid/forget problems or to relax
• withdrawal or keeping secrets from family and friends
• loss of interest in activities that used to be important
• problems with schoolwork, such as slipping grades or frequent absenteeism
• changes in friendships, such as hanging out only with friends who use drugs
• stealing or selling belongings to be able to afford drugs
• anxiety, anger, or depression
• mood swings
Physical signals:
• changes in sleeping habits
• looking shaky or sick
• changes in eating habits, including weight loss or gain
Involving your parents will have to take place eventually; for now though, and in order to ensure your brother’s trust and not scare him off, you should abide by the following steps:
1. Be direct and calm.
You ought to approach your brother directly and immediately, and before you decide to approach him, make sure you are calm and contained so as to avoid letting your frustration spill over into the conversation. And remember: NO drama, panic, anger, aggression or pointing fingers of accusations, otherwise he will tell you absolutely nothing. Yelling, threatening, preaching and lecturing will inevitably drive him away from the conversation, so he will sneak around and lie.
Try to show him genuine concern for his well-being.
You should expect denial reaction and responses like” It’s just pot, and I don’t smoke it that often, anyway”. If this happens, respond briefly while emphasizing that all drugs are harmful and should not be used at all.
2. Ask open-ended, non-judgmental questions.
This will help your brother unfold and be honest and open up about the problem if it actually exists. Questions like: “Can you tell me more about that? How did you feel in that situation? What will you do if that happens again? How can I help you with this?” are recommended.
4. Don’t punish.
Avoid punishing him, like denying him from going to activities together, as this will never keep a drug user away from using.
5. Show support.
If your brother admits to drug use, thank him for being honest with you, and reassure him that you will help him and that you love him.
6. Treatment.
A qualified therapist who specializes in working with teens and young adults will have to be consulted at some point. When talking about professional help, don’t negotiate. Instead be brief, firm and clear. You could say something like: “It is clear to us that you have been using something, and we are really concerned for your safety. As your brother I consider myself responsible for your safety and well-being, so I will schedule an appointment for someone for you, and both of us, to talk to about this issue.”
Even if you’re your brother is an adult, this same approach style should be used. It is true that you may not be able to force him to attend therapy, you can still maneuver other things, such as your helping him financially (if he’s younger) for example.
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